Women... Talk and Coffee

"Us women need to get together, drink coffee and just talk. God has made us like this. We will surely die without it!" My mother in laws friend passionately commented as we stood outside the coffee shop saying our goodbyes. I smiled as our eyes met. What true wise words spoken from experience.

It all starts out with phrases like: "Lets have coffee!" or "Lets meet!" or "Come over for tea!" or even "I need to talk to someone!" That wonderful invitation! We all recognize the hidden words in these little phrases. Its not as much about the place, what we are eating or drinking but it being with a friend. The invitation receiving or giving says: "You are special to me, I value time with you, I would love to hear your heart or I would love to share my heart with a friend and share what is going on in my life."

In our first apartment living in Western Turkey the women there had a lovely way with coffee and get together as neighbors and friends. Every fourteen days they would knock on our door and invite me for coffee at one of the neighbors homes. The room was filled with women, little steaming cups of potent coffee and tea and a spread of food on the table. They would sit and talk and move the conversation from person to person to hear how each one was doing. I did not understand much of the conversations but would get home with stiff cheeks from keeping a friendly smile, high on caffeine and a warm content feeling in my heart that I was valued and cared for as a foreigner.

Now a few years later we live in a house on the outskirts of town. I love it when my dear neighbor hangs over her balcony smiling and waving inviting me to come over for coffee. I still get nervous when they come to my home. Is the house clean enough? Did I make the tea and coffee right? Will they like my cake or at least eat the cake and scrape the too sweet icing off? My language limits me still to as what we can talk about. Like my husband always says: "Who wants to talk about the weather always?" I have learned to prepare a few questions on hand that I think will interest them. There is nothing like a good question to break the ice :) Even a few recent photos makes a good conversation starter.

I asked a very wise lady one day how much time she spends with foreign friends and how does she balance out her relationship with the other local women. She gave me the best advice ever. She divides her time that she plans to spend with women into three equal parts. Her local christian friends, her foreign friends and unbelieving local ladies. She makes sure she keeps her social time balanced and well planned.

Honestly I could easy live in my home and easy just visit with my foreign friends. But that is not why I live where I live. I try to make a conscious effort to visit my neighbors and invite them over.

How conscious?

-I always greet my neighbors with a friendly smile or wave of the hand.
-Whenever I bake cookies and have extra cake I take one of my neighbors a plate.
-I offer to water their gardens when they go on holiday.
-Even when I am busy and not really have the time I try to respond on an invitation for coffee or tea.
-I would rather visit my neighbors at their homes but realize they need to see my home, see me interacting with my children and in my home to understand who I am.
-I try to remember their birthdays and if possible a little gift or home baked cake dropped off with a blessing and a hug.
-During the season of important cultural holidays I pay a visit with a little treat for them and their families. It says that I value their culture and beliefs.

As frightening, inconvenient or even uncomfortable it might be at times to spend time with my local friends and neighbors, I value my time with them. As women, like my mother's friends said: "We need time with one another!" Often when I come home after a coffee visit with a neighbor I feel encouraged, but also trust and believe that their lives were touched by the Holy Spirit.

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