"Please pray for me I struggle again with symptoms of burnout..." I listened as my husband share his heart with our team. I sat staring at him unemotionally with my thoughts caught up in my own struggle with this situation. "How again did we get to this point, I wondered?" "Oh God help me, give me hope, strength, patience and grace to walk alongside him through this journey." I found my heart cry out in prayer and desperation.
It has felt the last year and a half that life was on a roll, our team has been growing, the kids are doing good settled into local school, my husband has found a way of living out who he is in the local church group, a leadership roll in our sending organization and has been stepping out into challenges again.
My thoughts wondered back to the incidents leading up to the point two years ago when he was labeled BURNOUT. I was pregnant with our youngest and had problems in my pregnancy, we have just moved to a new house, he has done a year of full time intense language study at the local university, we have just gotten our first team member, we have had very little pastoral support and care during our first year in our new host country, trying the one visa option after the other. We have been kicked out a year before from our beloved country where we lived and worked for nine years....we were grieving and missing the familiar. All of these put together were just too much.
"How do you think you can get through this?" I asked him after he asked the team for prayer recently. "I need to take time out everyday, work office hours and then leave the computer at the office, delegate more and spend time in the presence of the Lord, sleep more and exercise regularly". How great that he does have an office space that he can retrieve to outside our home. We have gone through this before and I have faith to see us walk this path again. Now we know how it looks and can recognize the danger signs and make changes before it is full on burnout.
Walking as a family through recovering from burnout is like walking the extra mile on a daily basis. I know that I can't do it on my own. I do get tired, frustrated and even struggle with resentment at times. How encouraging and comforting to have close friends that I can ask for prayer and share my heart with when I feel overwhelmed with this situation.
Some other things that could be done to help someone walk through burnout:
-To have someone to pray with and share their hearts. But also the family members involved should be able to share their hearts with people and receive prayer.
-There should be open communication with the children and they should have full understanding on what their father or mother is going through.
-Going back to their home country is not always the solution. Support and even medical care could be of great help there but misunderstanding by family and church etc. could add to stress levels.
-More time out is necessary. Like sleeping more. Sleeping in or even afternoon naps could help. If the house is filled with constant noise and people the person should have a place where he or she feels at home and have quiet times.
-Medical care in the form of antidepressants or a wonderful help just to get over the edge.
-Do not judge or have any emotional expectations during this time. The person involved needs to rest and recover.
Our medical doctor had a beautiful way of explaining burnout as a little deposit in the brain filled with chemicals that helps the body to fight stress. When that little deposit runs empty the body, mind and emotions can not cope. To rest and even take medication fills that little pocket again.
I picked the great book from our home school program recently, "Miracles on Maple Hill Farm". It is about a father that has burnout and how his family is effected, and how they walk the road together to recovery. After reading the first two chapters out loud to the children, my eldest daughter turned to me with tears in her eyes: "Do we have to read this book, it is too much like Daddy, it makes me sad?" "Yes honey, it will help us to understand what he is going through and how we can support him. It will give us hope that God will lead us through this. It is not going to be like this always, it will get better. We need to understand what is happening and work together as a family." I answered in faith.
Admitting and recognizing the symptoms and feelings for what it is, is the battle half won. Being open and honest about what is going on to the children, helps us draw together and pray for Daddy in this. "It is not a disease he can die from." Hearing this was such a relieve to the children when we talked about daddy. The book: "Honorably Wounded" by Marjory F.Foyle so beautiful unfolds the pain, mystery, and road to recovery in stress and burnout in service of the King.
With our hands in His, and His grace that is new every morning, we as a family can walk this path with my husband.....to full recovery: "Daddy being Honorably Wounded in the battle to see this nation come to Jesus." Thank you God that through this we have again the opportunity to honor you.
