I have been at this place before...often actually. Taking stock of my heart answering questions that touch deep into my being and doing. It is a good thing to take stock like this, it is humbling and also terribly convicting.
I am tiered after a long year of life. Our family has lived on two continents this year and at a stage not sure if we ever will be able to come back to our home. We were doing public school in the local language and full on home schooling on the other hand. I have been busy with team life, my neighbors, church and supporting my husband in all that he is involved with in ministry.
Questions that are mingling through my mind in this season are: What have I done lately? Am I happy and fulfilled in my heart? Did I loose track in my calling as a mother and wife? What is my focus? Am I looking over the fence like a hungry sheep to the grass that is always greener on the over side? Or like the tortoise in our garden with much to eat but always trying to reach for the green plants up in the flower pots. Or, am I comparing myself to other woman around me in ministry and working outside their homes? Am I struggling being content on where I am? Oooooh this is a big one!
I was struggling with these questions when it felt like God came and drop a penny in my Juke Box. The song on His heart was: "YES, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN MANY OTHER THINGS VERY SUCCESSFULLY IN LIFE....BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE CALLED YOU TO DO!" Nothing more, nothing less. It was enough! All that I needed to hear and know.
Again I can lay my heart at the foot of His throne. Yes, His throne and not the cross. It is not a burden I'm making peace with.. but embracing the attitude of serving in joy that is been draped over my shoulders again. My heart is bending low as I hear the words: "“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Lifting my head in faith looking over the abundance of souls in the harvest field knowing that I'm called to serve. To serve my family, neighbors and
friends. Yes, I could have been many other things in life but this is where He wants me to be light, salt and His heart for this season...again.
