Intense and impossible...feels like candles barely standing alight in a fierce storm. "Life is not easy." a friend thoughtfully commented this week. Yes, it does not feel easy when the storms of life bursts and wails from all sides.
"You know what I've always remembered about you? It is the picture you shared of you feeling like a little bird in a nest on a rock finger in the middle of the ocean with big waves splashing." A friend commented after we met up after fifteen years. "Not much have changed." I thought to myself.
But since I have shared this picture at a woman's group so many years ago I have learned that He is the Rock finger in the ocean where I can be the little bird in the nest: safe. The storms are the same but my perspective have changed. Through many events and happenings the last few months my world has been shaken from all sides. I have needed to remind myself often that in the valley of the shadow of death, His is the Good Shepherd. Let me explain more.
-I was asked recently to be the Hospitality coordinator for an International Conference that was going to be hosted in our area. I have always felt comfortable ministering in this gift. But I have never done it on such a big scale. I worked with a team and we had it together rolling like a smooth oiled wheel. One night into the conference I was tossing and turning and just could not sleep. I felt so insecure and out of my league. I was playing scenarios in my mind of events during the day that I could have done different. I felt like the over eager golden retriever puppy, bouncing all over our well seasoned, traveled conference speakers. Within my heart a prayer rose: "Oh Lord fill my insecurity with Your security." It calmed the storm in my heart and I was strengthened again with the knowledge that it is Him ministering through me. I'm only the vessel.
-During this same conference my oldest daughter developed scarlet fever. Through a doctor on site and penicillin she recovered within days. Two weeks later she had swollen lymph nods and the concerned doctors were running blood tests and were scheduling to do a biopsy. Within this time she broke out into a new strain of scarlet fever, more severe than the previous time. Her body developed an allergy to the penicillin and she became quite ill. It felt like all hell broke loose with a fierce storm raging. I felt like a candle barely alite in the wind...Just when I thought I could not handle more...I'm ready to blow. Well, He surprises us with more Grace to stand in the storm. She woke up one morning in the midst of the battle completely healed.
-The most strain on the flame of the candle is the moment just before it blows. That moment when the little flame becomes smaller and lays to its side to go out. This week when I was thinking: "This is it! I don't think I can handle much more!". After waiting for two years for our visa application for residence to be processed we received an answer. Not the answer we expected... Our visa application after living here for four years have been denied. As disappointing and shocking as this news are so encouraging and strong the Rock Finger stands tall in the midst of the storm and splashing waves. Yes, we have to leave the country, but He has provided in all we need: finances, air tickets, someone to pay the rent and stay in our home for however long. He made a way.
How again I respect my husband in the midst of this as he said: "In faith I have booked return tickets for our family to be back in six months time!" I had to smile, "Yes, God you will make a way".
The burning candle is vulnerable in the wind, but the light comes from Him. He keeps the candle burning. He does not take the storms away but sustains the candle burning through the gale winds like the little bird safe on the strong rock pillar in the fierce ocean. I have faith that as the storms of life toss around us.. we can have peace. Yes, life is not easy but peace and joy are possible.
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