Above the chaos of the children talking in the Sunday school class, I heard the voices of people shouting down stairs in the street in front of our small down town Church building. "Oh no, what is happening?" my thoughts franticly tried to find answers. "Are people rioting? What do they want, or do?" Trying to figure what this answer could be made my stomach turn in a knot.
Fresh in my mind were the happenings of the last few days urging my emotions forth. Foreigners in Afghanistan were killed a few days before, the result of a man in America burning a Koran. Shivers went down my back as I recall the terrible incident here in front of our church just two days ago too. My husband and friends were worshiping inside the church when a man with a pistol and shotgun started shouting against Christian work and activities outside in the street. He shot blanks into the air and shot at our Pastor standing outside. People were able to overpower him and hold him down until the police came. All these incidents were running away with my mind and heart. Was there more to come?
I got up from the carpet and opened the small manhole of the low slanted roof. I tried to listen and make out what they were shouting. My mind was racing ahead: "The children what will I do with them?." I started seeking resolutions if anything turns violent. "I can let them climb through the man hole and sit on the roof if anything happens." I decided.
Fear was gripping my heart and rising in my mind like kwik in a temperature meter. I heard the wise words of my husband: "If we will allow fear to rule, we are opening a door for satan to come in and do more." Immediately I felt guilty and prayed a prayer of protection on us all, trying to stay calm and control my mind running away with fear. I heard the voices in the street fading away and recognized the chanting as the soccer supporters moving on to the stadium for the match that afternoon. I breathed a sigh of relief and got the kids together so I could start the Sunday School lesson.
I desire not to fear, but to walk in faith trusting God for His protection. Oh how can I do this?
-Looking back on what God has done for me. Remembering the miracles He has done. How he provided the impossible and protected me supernatural in times of danger and kept me safe.
-Reading and studying the scriptures, reading about people in danger and God protecting them. Studying verses in the Bible that speaks of God's protection and memorizing faith building scriptures.
-Reading declarations in God's word. Praying out His promises in the Word. Declaring who He is and what He can do. Psalm 23 and Psalm 91 has been so encouraging to me.
-Making a choice in my mind not to fear but to trust Him. Admitting my weakness in fear and asking friends to pray with and for me. Praying out prayers of hope in times when I fear.
-Submitting my heart to God. Acknowledging that He is in control of my life. Whatever happens is in His will, and finding peace with and in this. Believing that He will never leave me nor forsake me. Whatever the outcome...He is with me.
-Looking realistically at what I'm fearing. Dealing with the deep issues in my heart, the reason I fear. Do I really trust God to come through for me? Why then or why not? Are my fears valid? Can what I fear really happen? If it can, finding peace in Him.
-Aiming and desiring to have more faith, to grow in faith. Having even faith like a mustard seed. God can use it.
God could have used the visual picture for us to have faith like a walnut seed, sunflower seed, acorn seed but no God picked the smallest one. The mustard seed as an encouragement for us to aim for. Life is never without its challenges, and lately it feels like I had more than my share.
But I choose to look at the tiny mustard seeds in my little bottle of whole grain mustard in the fridge door and pray out: "Yes Lord, I desire in the midst of facing fear to trust You....even faith like a mustard seed can move mountains."
------------------------------------------------------------------
3 comments:
This is a great post Karin. Thank you for sharing your story and also the lessons you're learning about dealing with fear. This encourages all of us.
The balance between living with fear and being prepared... not panicking,but being prepared with a plan of action in case... it is a tough balance to live with. The very necessity of having to plan for an attack, especially when you are responsible for other people's children, can cause fear to sit in our hearts. We do have to plan, to be prepared... but also to live in trust and peace... a challenging balance. Glad it was not something dangerous, and glad you found peace in it.
But I understand that fear, too. It was easy to be brave before we were mothers. Easy to be brave when it was just me. But when I stand in a room of little eyes and want to protect them from harm, bravery has another price tag altogether.
Yes, it is hard living in the reality but not wanting to embrace and allow fear in. I hold onto Him in faith during this time. Thank you Olive Tree and Ellie.
Post a Comment