Niene's JOY

NIENE`S JOY

I do not even know what her real name is...she was introduced to me as the grandmother and they called her Niene. I met her visiting a friends parents. I went there a few times before and my first impression of her was a lovely sweet old lady with caracter and more than what just the eye can see. She always asks about the children and how they are doing, she even had Andrew sitting on her feet ones and rocked him back and forth to help him when he was crying. She neve really did take part in the group converstations. But when I would come and sit next to her she would always ask me how I was doing.

She had a peaceful, calmness about her that made me like her from the start. On this particular day when I came to visit the family again she was peacefully sitting in the large chair where she always sits. Resting with her head on the back of the chair. She opened her eyes when I came in and gracefully stood up slowly and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.

Her daughter and son in law are both terminal ill. She proudly told me that she was in her nineties and her head was clear but her body old and weak. She told me smiling that she was the oldest of the three in the house but the healthiest. As she talked I wondered with compassion what will happen to her when her daughter and son in law passes away. How difficult and hard it must be for her to see them slowly dying.

The doorbell rang and a whole group of people arrived. They all started greeting Niene with such love and tenderness, but there was one particular young man that I noticed. He greeted her joyful, playfully pinched her cheek, but with such love and care. It was like someone switched the light on in her eyes and face. He asked his young wife to move up on the couch and invited Niene dearly with his hand to come and sit between them. Niene was so beautiful as she sat there beaming.

He lovingly had his one arm around her shoulder and the other arm on her lap holding her hands. He kept touching and pinching her cheek and lovingly would smile at her. She proudly told me it was her grandson which she has not seen for a while. There was such joy and contentment in her voice and words. For the first time I saw Niene smiling, shining and overflowing.

I sat there in silence enjoying the beauty of the moment, almost to afraid to take my eyes of her, she was so beautiful and happy. The group started greeting their goodbyes and then off to the door. I sat there wondering what Niene was feeling in her heart. She came as usually and sat in the chair I have always seen her sit. She did not speak much but there was a sparkle in her eyes as she smiled at me.

As I sat on the bus home that day I could not forget the joy that I saw on Niene`s face. It will be a picture of her I will cherish in my heart. It is not just the picture that was beautiful but the whole event in life that made those moments so precious.

STANDING IN THE RIVER

STANDING IN THE RIVER

Our years living in the village in Central Asia were not what I would call a physical beautifying experience. The water was scarce and hard, the weather had no grace....summers baking hot and winters freezing cold with very little heating. Life was primitive with a pit toilet in the yard, not much good body products for sale to smooth those rough skins and dry brittle hair. Oh and the toothpaste had no kick. Yes, if you were willing to haul some beauty products in your suitcase from abroad it could come...if you had the weight allowance?

Then again the local woman around me had rough skins and such. I wanted to fit in and not stand out like a foreigner; we did not have much money to spend much on beauty products anyway. I still smile at my interesting observation. When we ladies living and working there would come back from our trips from our home countries we would have the newest hair cuts, cute clothes and shoes and even put make up on daily. Then as time pass by it would.....slowly fade. The hair styles again would become a usual daily ponytail, the make up less and the clothes in shade definitely fading. It was then again the more natural look. At times even leaning towards looking somewhat neglected.

One day a dear lady came and visit in our town. She gathered us woman together for a time of visiting and sharing. I vividly remember us sitting in a circle around the typical low table with flat mattresses on the floor. Green tea being served out of round Chinese printed cups on plastic bright printed table clothes.

She shared from her heart about personal experience and difficulties. Then she hit the nails of our hearts full on the head with these words; "In twenty years time you ladies are not going to be the beauties in the world. Your skin is going to be telling a story of many hot summers and cold winters. You would have probably suffered diseases and hardships. Life would have taken its toll on your age." We did not need to hear much more than this. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and the lump in my throat testified of the knowledge of the truth of what she was saying.... as I look across the table I did not see one person eyes not full of tears. Life felt harsh, I did feel run down and the mirror did not lie. Yes when last did I have a good haircut?

She continued:” But God says you are going to be beautiful to Him in your hearts and souls. You would have walked a life of suffering and faith. You would have endured much. You would be strong in Him. You would be the spiritual giants of this world. Some of us were wailing now. We were touched to the core. What a beautiful opportunity we had to share our hearts and longings that day to understand one another's needs. We prayed together and were comforted by the beautiful truth of this message.

She then played this song by a group called Delirious.

"FIND ME IN THE RIVER.....find me in the river find me on my knees. I've walked against the water now I'm waiting if you please. We've long to see the roses but never felt the thorns and bought our pretty crowns but never paid the price.

Find me in the river; find me on my knees with my soul laid bare. Even though you are gone and I'm cracked and dry...

Find me in the river...I'm waiting here.

We didn't count on suffering we didn't count on pain but if the blessing is in the valley then in the river I will wait."

Looking back now almost twelve years I fondly but thoughtfully carry this message in my heart. I do think the weather and difficulties of life has taken its toll on my age and physic. But I do hope that one day I can look into the mirror of my heart and see myself as He sees me. Yes, it is true....physical beauty fades by time...but I do believe what lasts are those beauties in our hearts. The choice we make to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to walk the extra mile, to do without some things so someone else can have...giving to others from ourselves more than what we hoped or planned......

These things then would be the true jewels in our hearts.......

HER LIFE IS SURELY A GIFT…..Melika’s Story

Zoe means life in Hebrew. We decided to give her this name to remind us and her of what God has done for us. She just loves that being her second name, reminding her of the special opportunity in life she was given. In school she engraved “Zoe” on a little wooden plague which hangs in her room among her special treasures. When I told her that I wanted to write the beautiful story of her life from my heart she jokingly said that I should be careful not to cry all over the computer it might break. She knows when I share or even just listen to this story being told I’m so stirred emotionally that there is always tears running……this will always be the story of much joy and a sweet reminder that grace is not something we deserve but given by God…..

Before Melika was there I felt a beautiful impression that children were a gift from God, it was as if deep in my heart I was asked this gentle question. As if God was offering me the opportunity to receive this gift. I remember us standing outside the pit toilet in our yard with trembling hands awaiting the news on the pregnancy test. What a joy it was when the two lines were visible. A few weeks into this my first pregnancy we were sleeping outside in the yard on a flat wooden platform (a very Central Asian thing to do in the summer). Etienne felt God speaking to Him:”I will protect your child; do not submit to fear.”

We were so excited about having a baby; at eleven weeks into my pregnancy we drove to a nearby town to have a routine ultrasound. The news was not at all what we expected. “I am sorry the fetus has no heartbeat!” We could not believe what we were hearing. It was like cold shivers running up and down my body. What a disappointment……the doctor gave us a medical report saying the fetus was dead and there was no heartbeat……. he even included a little ultrasound photo of the dead fetus and told us we could come back the next day to have it removed…

The news was devastating and we were shocked. We decided to travel to the capital city the next day to get a second opinion.The next day at the Medical Clinic we had a few doctors and midwifes trying to find the heart beat of our baby thru the ultrasound machine….there was no heartbeat, no movement and no life! Thru a medical insurance company we were flown to England the next day to receive medical treatment. As we only traveled to the capital city for a short visit, I was totally unprepared and had no clothes with me to fly to England. I had to borrow some shoes a size to big that gave me horrible blisters and a jacket with shoulders like an American football player, I must have been quite a sight. God provided just the right place for us to stay in England.

We attended a prayer time that Monday morning at a little Chapel in the neighborhood where we were staying. There was a man from Argentina sharing from God’s word. We stood in the back of this little chapel crying during the worship and feeling so desperate for God to touch us. Yet Etienne remembered the word God spoke to him not to fear but God will protect our baby. I can not remember much of what the speaker was sharing about, but it was on raising Lazarus from the dead and Peter walking on the water. He was challenging the people to trust God for “the impossible”; not knowing that “the impossible” was standing in the back of the Chapel. After he shared a dear friend of ours went forward and asked that people please pray for us…..they gathered around us and lifted us up in prayer. Afterwards the man from Argentina came outside into the garden and prayed over us again…this time I heard him shout in English…..LIFE FOR THIS BABY…. I can not say that I felt touched emotionally in any way, rather hoping that his prayer will come true.

We could only see the doctor that evening. My heart was going back and forth, I was not sure what to expect, hope for or trust God for. Was this His plan, what did He want to do? Should I hope and cherish this little baby or is the fetus really dead and should I say goodbye? Etienne went for a walk that afternoon before the doctor’s visit. He came back so encouraged and told met that he felt God spoke clearly to his heart: “I gave your child back to you, you need to worship me….not because I gave your child back to you…BUT BECAUSE I AM GOD”….. I did not sense the same height of excitement as he and was rather nervous as to what the news from the doctor would be that evening. The doctor looked at the report and scanned photo that we brought with us and said that it did not look hopeful……..my heart was so heavy and I at times I wished that this nightmare would just end….. Not wanting to hope and not wanting to give up on a wonderful opportunity for a miracle either. He asked us to come to a different hospital the next day for a clarifying ultrasound. I knew this was going to be the moment where we would know what was going on……Where the doctor will make the final decision.

I remember my hand palms being sweaty and cold laying there on the bed with the ultrasound machine being switched on….what was the news going to be….God did you really gave our baby back to us…. going thru my mind? The lady asked us if we can hear it.........the machine had a rhythmic sound duff, duff, duff, duff……at first I thought surely that must be my own heartbeat……. “This is the heartbeat of your baby!” We gave deep, painful cries of relieve and could not stop crying….the joy, our baby was alive but MORE…..God you really gave our baby back……God you did a miracle…..SHE WAS DEAD NOW SHE IS ALIVE……I could barely focus my eyes thru the tears on the little figure on the screen moving, twisting and turning……there she was…..!!!!!!

With such relieve, joy and gratefulness we received the medical report saying the fetus had a heartbeat and was alive and normal! Wow what a moment in life! The words “Thank you God, oh thank you God” kept going thru my mind. I felt so undeserving of experiencing God’s miraculous power in a miracle like this. He is God and He decided to give her back to us. I had no more answers and no more questions. I knew He was in control and wanted this sweet little baby girl to live…….grow up and know Him.

A friend in deep pain asked me one day, “Why did my baby have to die, why did God not give him back to us?” I was deeply touched with compassion and sadly did not have an answer for her, He gives and takes and we do not understand….but He is God and I choose to trust that He knew why……..

Melika is ten years old this year and a beautiful young lady loving God. I love seeing her big brown eyes lit up with joy and delight when we share this beautiful story. I know God has a plan for her life. She has a powerful testimony to share…… And me? I smile with tears in my eyes….GRATEFUL…. knowing that He is God of my life……

A TIMELY WORD IN SEASON.....

When I think of summer I think of roses, tall glasses of iced coffee and the beach....Winter again makes me think and long for hot soup, lots of rain, hot chocolate and thick woolly warm socks. Walking thru memory lane reflecting over the last few years of my life made me identify and appreciate different events and times. At this stage as I look back I can see definite seasons of life and "happenings" and tag them to a birth, moving to a new culture, country or house.

These changing seasons of life off course are part of life and unavoidable, like the earth moving around the sun. They are not always the most convenient, wanted or easy to live thru or even just to handle. I know Summer with it's beauty and life..it will give way to Autumn with death and deep warm colors, I know that every season of life will have it's own memories later to ponder and walk thru.

I'm not fully sure why I do not like physical change. Like the type of change where you pack up, give or sell away and say goodbye. Maybe it has to do with my sentimental side that loves people and carry the memory of them for years in my heart.

When we moved to this city I knew it was the start of a new Season! The day we flew here my heart was still left in Central Asia.. I still felt cut to the bone grieving my beloved country and friends. Like meeting a new friend and you just not feel ready for a new friendship! Moving here felt like it came like a season just to quick...like when it rains ice in spring when the fruit trees have blossoms....It felt like winter was here to soon I did not have time to prepare for it and was freezing.....and not ready.

We walked the streets of our city day after day in mid summer heat looking for an apartment with rental signs in the windows. After a while the children did not do well with the heat and walking, me and Etienne would take turns going out. I would go in the morning armed with my little paper with phrases and water bottle ready..... to find a place. After a week my feet were covered in blisters and I just did not have shoes that did not pressed on a blister. But I was determined and time pressed every morning to find a place to stay before we had to be out where we were staying.

In His timing He provided the perfect apartment for our family. It even had a fountain in the court yard!
But the owner used this apartment for storage and used it at times when they came to our city. We had time preasure and were desperate to move at a definite date. The morning we arranged to move in....when we arrived we discovered that they have never moved out! All their stuff were as if they were living there heaps and heaps of things.

We stood in the hallway of the apartment in shock and disbelieve. We had to move in that day we had no choice. All we could do was to pack up their things and arrange with them to move it that day. As I walked thru the apartment anger, disapointment and hopelessness overtook me. I just did not have it in me to face this yet another mayor challenge. I felt so tired of all the moving around, the stress of finding a place before we had to be out where we were staying, walking the streets in the heat of summer, trying to understand what people were saying, and just living in a new culture with small children. I faintly excused myself and closed the toilet door behind me. I sat on the closed toilet seat trying to control my upwelling emotions.

I cried and cried....until I felt I could pray.....All I could get out was: "Lord please please tell me this is not Your perfect will for me for today!" I begged. I felt gently, slowly and clearly the words forming in my heart: "Karin this is my perfect will for you for today!" I sat there for a while pondering the truth in my heart.

It was as if all else fell away.... I knew then that.... I WILL have all the physical, emotional energy I would need to get thru that day and situation. It was as if a fresh breeze swept thru my heart and mind, as if strength entered my body and hope my mind. I made a decision, stood up in faith, washed my red puffy eyes and opened the toilet door with new hope and vision as a lady on a mission with God as her helper!

That evening late the landlord came with a truck to pick up their packed belongings, and only then we could get going to move our stuff into our new apartment. I remember falling into bed that night dead tired but blessed. I had a place of Refuge. A God that hears our every cry. A personal Friend that speaks words of truth, life and encouragement to our hearts in a place of need, desperation and despair.

PSALM 18 V 2

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

He did say that He will provide in our EVERY NEED....

HE DID SAY......THAT HE WILL PROVIDE IN OUR...EVERY NEED....

Thru all these years of living in faith....there is not a moment, an event a situation where I can walk thru in my memory and say: "Oh there, here You did not provide, you did not come thru!" It was not always the provision I'd exspect or even sometimes wanted, but it always turned out to be what I needed or the best solution for a situation.

I remember sitting on the floor of our first newly rented house in Central Asia scraping many years of cooking fat of the kitchen floor with a screw driver. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as the scraping continued, I felt so overwhelmed with the job and the house with seventeen broken windows. I felt sorry for myself and the task at hand. A dear friend that lived in that part of the world for many years said, "Nothing cleans like a wet paint brush." Very true and wise words those. God provided a timely financial gift and we had all the floors in the house painted to my relieve and joy.

I also know and believe that He is not a Father that just give what His children want. Sometimes like I said the outcome is not always what we wanted or expected but what is the best for us or others. We lived without a washing machine for our first two years in CA. I was washing by hand and we were hauling wet washing in bags on a bicycle back and forth from friends home that had a washing machine. Then at last there were a new washing machine again for sale at a local store in our little town. I was so excited! Etienne went numerous times talking to the store owner about buying this the only washing machine for sale in weeks in all of town, and bargaining for a good price. Then a family with small children came to work with us and we were asked to give them the opportunity to buy the washing machine instead. Oh was I disappointed, I sulked in despair. But in His goodness He knew. Shortly another washing machine was for sale again and we were able to buy it. He did provide!

Oh and I remember the time as a newly wed when I was admiring and saving for a specific dress. I just did not have enough money to buy it. There was a friend of ours at the store the day I went, not knowing my situation she felt to give me some money as a gift. I had enough money for my dress marked down on sale that day and even had money left over.

But the actual heart of this writing is the story about the dumpster chair. It stands on the porch like a Light House shining forth the message of God's provision. This story is the one event that "Blew this duck from the pond." With new joy I have discovered and experienced the Lord knowing our hearts, our every need and desire. He specializes in meeting our deepest thoughts and needs.

When having my afternoon coffee break.... I like to sit on a comfortable chair with my feet up. The time in the day when all is silent and I think.....With our newly rented house came a wooden bench on the porch too. It's cute and durable but not so comfortable to sit... like I like to sit with a cup of coffee. For many weeks I would sit on it pondering how nice it would be to have a comfortable chair on the porch. My hopes became wishful prayers not really asking but hoping.....those thoughts that start with:"Wow Lord you know what would really be nice!" It was during this time of pondering those thoughts when a friend phoned and said there was a good sturdy wooden chair being thrown away standing at a dumpster not far from our home. The kids and I ran down the hill and carried our wooden dumpster chair home. It was sturdy and durable but had a neglected look... that had a story to tell of many winters and summers outside.

I was very grateful for the chair....but I would sit on the wooden hard frame of this chair having my coffee thinking..... how nice it would be to have two big stuffed bulky pillows to go on the chair. How nice it even would be if it was made from typical Turkish woven cloth.....

A few weeks after we got the chair Etienne was taking trash out to the dumpster close to our home. He excitedly called me to come outside and look what he had found. There on the chair were two big, thick, the perfect size pillows in Turkish woven cloth! It was just what I wanted! I was crying tears of joy.....not as much for the pillows but because of the revelation of a God that knows my every need. I felt so known and understood and loved by Him. He knitted me together in my mother's womb and it did not stop there. He sees my hearts cry, every thought racing thru my mind....every desire of my heart.....He specializes in meeting the needs of His children......

A PATH thru her HEART........

Orpah was seldom part of the sometimes up to fithteen children outside our home in the afternoon... waiting to come inside and play with Melika`s toys. Every day after school she would sit in the field across our home gaurding her familie`s cow graizing in the grass. She became a familliar sight daily as I would often watch her thru the window. There was something about her that touched my heart. Maybe it was because she did not come like the other kids did, or just her neglected, peaceful look that stirred my mother heart. She was often dressed in old, ragged clothes, for sure hand me downs and visibly dirty hands and feet. I felt sorry for her....and wondered how I could be of meaning to this dear girl......

One day I got the bright idea to teach her to do cross stich then she could sit and work on that while watching the cow. Armed with a needle, material, pattern and bright coloured thread I walked across the field. She immediately stole my heart with her gentle kind way....but not being a pushover! She became a delightful part of our family. She saw Melika take her first steps, Talitha being brought home to CA as a tiny three months old baby and often the best and worst of me.....

Thru our joys, sickness, hardships and sadness Orpah was there and a very good friend, daughter and sister to us all. Etienne got a really bad case of hepatitis when I was five months pregnant with Talitha. We often feared and battled for his life during this time. Faithfully she came every afternoon to help me with what she could. Like the time when she chopped wood for our wood stove and misjudged the distance between her thumb and the axe......the result was the head of her thumb hanging on a piece of skin. Talk about trauma and her fainting on me with blood all over.

She had a deep love and respect for Etienne. During the worst time of his hepatitis with Him laying there deadly ill, she would go and sit on a chair in the room with him and watch the Jesus film in her language. Him doing it for language study and her being deeply stirred by the story of Jesus. How many times they watched it I stopped counting. After one of these times she had tears rolling down her face. Etienne asked her why she was crying. *I don`t know....* she answered. He prayed the sinners prayer that afternoon with her. Immediately after the prayer there was a significant change in her face...like a soft light beaming from her. She was changed and ruined for the ordinary! We send her home that night with mixed feelings... a Bible in her language and encouraged her to tell her family what happened.

She became a good friend and we would often pray for one another, situations and other people and work on various projects together. Not fully realising then that I was discipling Orpah to be a mother, house keeper, cook, wife and loving Jesus and her neighbours and fully being who Jesus made her to be.

She did not have an easy life at home with a harsh mother and verbally abusing father. She would often come to our home discouraged and depressed. I became desperate as I felt overwhelmed with my own life demands, pressures and family and then her walking around with a long face. God knew where He was going with this. I often prayed with her for hope and encouragment. Then one day again we talked about God being our hope and encourager, the One that lifts our depressed souls and strengthens our hearts. The One that speaks life into the situations that brings death to our hearts. Being that inner gentle Voice that whispers those words that changes our lifes for ever..

She burst into the door the next day smiling and talking excitedly, I could hardly keep up with what she was trying to tell me. She told me that normally when her father lashes out at her she would go and sit in the pit toilet far in the corner of their yard crying. It again happened the night before. She went to hide in the toilet and cry her heart out...but this time it was different. She asked God to speak encouragement to her desperate state of mind and hurting heart. She excitedly told me how she asked Him what He had to say. *I love you Orpah* She felt a soft whisper in her heart. It stripped away all the pain, guilt, depression and discouragement. She knew then how to find living water that brings life...

She became not only my dear friend but my daughter that lives in Central Asia. When we moved to another country..... the hardest part for me was leaving her behind.....We sometimes thru the years following had contact by e mail and even the odd telephone conversation....Lately we were not being able to make contact....But I know she will be OK! She knows, loves and serves Jesus with her whole heart...She knows how to open her heart and soul to His soft gentle voice that speaks words of life....in moments when all else screams death.... WHAT MORE.....THAN THIS DO I WANT MY OWN DAUGHTERS TO KNOW?

A TRUE TEACHER SHINES KINDNESS AND LOVE


BASED ON THE WOMAN OF PROVERBS 31


10 A teacher that truly loves and shines kindness who can find?
She is worth far more than great books, gourmet coffee or Swiss dark chocolate

11 Her student’s parents have full confidence in her and they have no lack in the schooling of their children

12 She brings forth great students who study with zeal and have great marks every day in Turkish school

13 She selects the right pages in their Turkish books and teaches them with eager, peace and lovingly

14 She is like a big Ikea Store filled with lovely scented candles and a joy to have in our city

15 She is always on time even when she has a prayer meeting at six every morning
She works inner beauty and character and rubs off on her students

16 She considers great gifts when they reach a goal set and out of the goodness of her heart always encourages them

17 She sets about her teaching work eagerly; her face is kind and her voice always gentle

18 She sees that her hard work has good fruit and her heart never looses hope

19 In her hand she only holds good books and the Bible, and read and uses it with delight

20 She opens her arms wide to give her students hugs and always willingly helps them with all their Turkish homework

21 When it snows or rain she still comes and wears her warm coat and heavy back pack

22 She has a green duvet cover and always looks dressed like a Good teacher

23 Her friends and students love and respect her and other families wish they had a teacher to help their kids like her

24 She makes great pies and chocolate chip cookies and always shares with us

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can even laugh at the jokes of her students

26 She speaks with wisdom and faith, and instruction is on her tongue

27 She watches over the work of her students and takes good care of not only their school work but also the state of their hearts

28 Her students take great pride in having such a good, kind teacher and the parents are very happy and grateful

29 Many teachers do great things but you surpasses them all

30 A good teacher can be charming but the real heart of the teacher the students know, but you are a teacher who fears the Lord and should be praised

31 Today on Teacher’s Appreciation Day we give you the reward you deserve: THE BEST TEACHERS AWARD

CELEBRATING LIFE'S JOURNEY

CELEBRATING LIFE'S JOURNEY......

It is middle autumn here in the Aegean; I have been wearing winter clothes for the last few weeks. Most of the trees in my garden have lost their leaves not even thinking of them having flowers. And here in the middle of a patch of grass the kumquat trees stands in full bloom with blossoms and bees buzzing for its nectar....Just this morning as I was hitting the dusty doormat against its stem and seeing the tiny white petals falling on the grass...I could not help but feel sorry for this tree being so out of season... But I know next year Spring it will have blossoms again and bear its fruit in Summer. Something about this tree and its SITUATION made me think of myself....

About fourteen years ago a lady shared a similar story with me. It was a picture she had in her heart about me. She saw me fully dressed in ski gear equipment, ready to ski the snowy slopes of high mountains. But I was walking in a dry barren, hot land over rocks sweating and falling. I was so out of place and season....struggling....

I was born the youngest of four children. I have always felt loved and wanted by my parents. They have given me the best they could. But as in all families and life, things sometimes do not work out as we have planned or hope for. Our family had our share of life circumstances and disappointments as I was growing up. These situations and circumstances do shape our hearts and the terrain of our souls. All along God had me in the palm of His hand. He has hand picked my family, have allowed every circumstance and situation in my life to shape me.....to form me to be Karin..... As hard as it is sometimes to understand some people and life... I know and believe He uses it all to form us according to His plan. I had to look back over my life and say..THANK YOU... Thank you Lord for my family for all that has come my way.......

Oh and then there are those regrets...But I know He has gently worked that out and brought life out of death, shining His light of forgiveness deep into my heart.....Looking at the familiar picture of the TAPESTRY with Him being the artist weaving every thread with such skill. The back of this tapestry looks quite sad and mixed up...but the front has the true picture of beauty....where He has brought all these happenings together into a beautiful picture....A beautiful TAPESTRY OF LIFE...

I have often heard people commenting on growing older. That all perfections fall away and you come to peace with who you really are. When exactly this happens I believe nobody really knows...but it is an inner peace that comes with an acceptance of who we really are. A unity in the heart, understanding and acceptance of the past...and a peace about the future. I have often struggled with the question of what my place is in life, my role the legacy I will leave behind???? As a mother and wife I have often answered this question with just being that. My role and function is that! But the truth is that I sometimes have to remind myself, this is not all there is to my role and function and who I am ....... ....This is my season my biggest role for now....my time and place to be a mother and wife and live my life to the full...But I know there is more in the next season of my life....

Remember He is the Master Weaver, the Artist behind the tapestry of our lives....Coming back to the picture of me being dressed to ski the snowy slopes and struggling among the dry barren rocks. This has often been the feeling of my heart. I can only be who I am....And I had to answer the question, then who am I? What are my giftings, what do I have that I can pour out generously? Taking this and celebrating this too; living them out. Being me to the fullness. Walking in faith and trusting God that as He has shaped my past, He will form my future. Finishing the tapestry of my life to His delight and glory.

I have often wondered about the picture of me being the skier in the dry rocky hills... But what I have not told you yet was the second part of this dear woman's heartfelt picture. She then did see me in my full ski wear; skiing the snowy slopes high on the mountain peaks in my full element with skill and joy. This picture brings such excitement, I am yearning and hoping for this too. Often I find myself in seasons where I do not feel the fullness a release of content and joy, and then at times in my life I have felt short lived pockets of being there in my fullness with the wind in my hair and the snowy slopes under my skis, skillfully moving along....

But I know if it was not for my seasons struggling in the rocky dry hills I would not have enjoyed and celebrated being on the snowy slopes in my fullness. Resting in the arms of the Master allowing Him to form and shape my circumstances and life. Without the one or the other my life would have been incomplete. I want to have peace about my past living fully for now...hoping in Him to shape my future according to His will....

It is about living to the full....bringing Him glory and honor...that is the JOY of celebrating being ME.....